


Glitter and High Heels

by BronzeDragon13



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Drag Queens, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, men in heels
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-25
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:14:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24912175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BronzeDragon13/pseuds/BronzeDragon13
Summary: After a late night call lands the team volunteering to help raise money, Eddie has to confront his growing feelings for his best friend. It doesn't help when heels, make-up, and slow hip movements are involved.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Comments: 30
Kudos: 110





	1. Chapter 1

The call came in around two in the morning. Late night calls were a toss up between being easy to get to, especially if they were coming off of another call and already awake, or a pain since they might have been sleeping. It was the latter tonight, as Eddie rolled out of his bunk and ran over to the locker room to get his gear on. Beside him, the rest of the team was quickly getting ready; while their motions were swift, it was clear that they were all still shaking off the remnants of sleep.

“What’s the situation, Cap?” Chimney asked as they loaded up into the truck. Hen rubbed her eyes, yawning once, while Bobby explained.

“Small kitchen fire downtown. I guess one of the smaller night clubs hasn’t been up to code for a while.”

“Doesn’t surprise me,” Hen said. They had run into several building owners that had tried to cut corners and fudge records, which resulted in some of the buildings going up in flames.

“Well, at least we got to have a couple hours of sleep,” Chimney looked more awake than Eddie felt. In fact, he looked the most aware as compared to the rest of their crew; Hen and Buck were still rubbing the sleep out of their eyes.

“Speak for yourself,” Buck grumbled. “I just got into a comfortable position before the alarm went off.”

Eddie normally would tease Buck about it, only remembering at the last minute how badly sleep was evading his friend. Insomnia wasn’t uncommon among first responders. You would be hard pressed to find one that didn’t have the occasional bout of sleepless nights. It seemed to rotation around the station, changing up between who could sleep and who couldn’t, lasting a couple of weeks before fading back. For Buck, the insomnia had been going on the last few days, which was bad timing since the guy had been slated for double shifts this week.

The scene was at its normal chaotic level when they disembarked from the truck. Bobby began to give out orders, sending Hen and Chimney out to assess any medical injuries, while he, Eddie and Buck started to secure the area. The kitchen was still on fire, so they attached the hose, and went to work. Thankfully, the majority of the building was still sound, and the fire hadn’t spread beyond the kitchen and hallway.

“Be honest with me,” Eddie said as they double checked the structure. “Did you actually sleep?”

“I mean, my eyes were closed,” Buck was good at deflecting. It had been his go-to for years and Eddie was slowly getting better at pushing for an answer.

“That doesn’t answer my question.”

“A little,” Buck tossed some rubble aside as he moved. “This socket it gone. Might have been faulty wiring.”

“Then they’ll have someone come out to check. Did you sleep last night after we got off shift?” Eddie pressed.

“Oh my god,” Buck huffed. “Yes, I caved and took a sleeping aid. Got a full six hours.” Eddie frowned as Buck moved out towards the hall.

Everyone knew that Buck wasn’t a big fan of taking medication; after the side effects from the blood thinners, he was wary of anything more than a multivitamin. For him to come out and say he needed to take a sleeping pill to get some rest was concerning. Eddie pondered it more as he followed his partner back outside. Buck hadn’t mentioned any ongoing life problems. His leg was doing fine, better actually if you asked, with the hardware surgery almost a year ago. Sure, Buck had asked for a rain check on their last get together, citing something about car repairs, but that was it.

No talk of nightmares, or pain, or any other stressors. Eddie kept his frown on as he met back up with the team. Chimney was helping an individual, who looked to have sustained a bit of smoke inhalation, and was getting oxygen.

“I’m telling you, sugar, I’m just fine,” The gentleman was sitting on the curb, Chimney listening with a stethoscope as the man breathed.

“Humor me,” Chimney said as he moved the circular piece. “Your lungs sound good, but I’d like to keep you on the oxygen for a little longer. This doesn’t warrant a trip to the ER, though I highly stress checking in with your primary care physician.”

“Everything looking good, Chim?” Buck asked. The guy’s eyes went wide as he and Eddie came over.

“Well, are all of you built like brick houses?” He asked. Buck laughed.

“No, sir, but they do put it in the fine print on the bottom of the application flyer,” Buck joked. The guy smiled and his eyes looked up and down. Eddie wasn’t a stranger to having people try to flirt or hit on them; Buck had learned to tune it out a long time ago.

“Then tell your recruiter that the rest of us appreciate it,” He said.

“Scene’s clear,” Bobby said as he came over.

“And our guy, Martin, is looking good. Oxygen stats are right where they need to be,” Chimney chimed in. “No complaints of dizziness? Shortness of breath?”

“None, fit as a fiddle,” Martin told him. “The rest of the group is going to be bummed out now that Toni’s club is out of commission.”

“Did you and your friends come here often?” Eddie asked as he helped Chimney start to pack the gear away.

“Oh, all the time. We loved it here, good music, lots of dancing space. All our shows were held here,” Martin explained.

“Shows?” Eddie zipped the bag closed. “Do you perform?”

“Three times a week. Drag shows are quite popular here,” Martin smiled at him. Now that Eddie was closer, he noticed the eyeliner, the glittering studs in Martin’s ears, and the man chuckled. “I know, not much of a looker right now, but believe me. When I get all glammed up, you can’t take your eyes off me.”

“Sadly, Martin, I think you might have to cut Eddie loose,” Chimney leaned in to whisper. “See, he’s pining after someone else already.” Eddie felt his face start to blush as his eyes instantly searched and located where Buck was. He was standing next to Bobby, obviously telling him about what they found in the kitchen, while Hen stood there listening.

“Oh, I see,” Martin reached a hand out and patted Eddie on the shoulder. “I would get a move on with that one, baby.”

“Trust me, Martin. We’ve been playing the long game for the last three years,” Chimney teased. Eddie resisted the urge to flip Chimney off. It hadn’t been three years of pining. Well, maybe not the first year. Fine, okay, it might have been closer to a year and a half.

“Buck’s my best friend. That’s all,” Eddie stated. Martin stared him down as Chimney took the oxygen mask off.

“You sound like I did back before I got my head on right. Best friends don’t look at each other like that if they’re only friends.”

Eddie could have argued more. Could have stated that both of them had some pretty messed up past relationships and were still working through that. Or that Buck had taken a step back from the dating scene for the last six months following the train wreck, Abby throwing him off center, and Eddie was still unsure of where he was at after his awkward date with Ana. Martin was cleared to go and Eddie followed Chimney back to the other side of the truck.

“You know, Martin has a point,” Chimney side eyed him. “Best friends don’t normally look at each other like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like they want to undress them with their eyes. Hen and I have been best friends for years, Eddie, we’ve never done that. And not once has anyone every thought we were dating or interested in one another.”

“That’s because Hen is married and we all know she isn’t attracted to guys,” Eddie didn’t want to talk about this in public.

Yes, Buck had never shied away from discussing past sexual experiences, but one thing had stuck out to Eddie; all of them had involved women. Eddie wasn’t sure if Buck even swung that way. Hell, Eddie himself wasn’t even sure if he did. No one in his family ever talked about that sort of stuff and being in the military was a whole other can of worms.

“Maybe Buck will surprise you,” Chimney offered.

“It’s too much of a risk.” Eddie wouldn’t be able to go through another big fight that took Buck from his side.

The lawsuit had left craters in their friendship, which only grew after Eddie came clean about the street fighting, and they were still working on coming back from that. Eddie wasn’t optimistic enough to think he’d have another chance if he messed up again to the same level as last time. Buck would walk away and that would be it. The drive back to the station was quiet. They piled out, stripping their gear off as they went, before leaving the locker room. Buck walked past the bunk room, heading towards the loft, and Eddie considered his choice for a moment before following Buck up the stairs.

He could sleep later on, once he figured out why Buck wasn’t sleeping, and waved off Hen’s puzzled look. Buck was staring down the coffee pot as it brewed.

“Did the coffee maker do something to piss you off?” Eddie kept his tone light as he dropped into an empty seat. “Grab me a mug, would you?”

It probably wasn’t a good idea to consume caffeine, especially if he wanted to get some shut eye later on, but coming off of a call always left him feeling more wired than normal. Judging from the erratic tapping coming from Buck’s fingers against the counter, he was also feeling a little jittery.

“Are you going to actually tell me why you are having trouble sleeping?”

“I told you, it’s just a random bout of insomnia,” Buck sighed. “It happens.”

“Not bad enough for you to resort taking a sleeping aide,” Eddie kept his voice low, not wanting to call any of their friends to the conversation, and Buck shrugged.

“It worked, didn’t it? I got some sleep,” Buck brushed off. Eddie accepted the hot mug and got up to add his milk.

“Come over tomorrow,” Eddie offered. Neither of them had to be in again until later on the next afternoon. “We can veg out with Christopher.”

“I guess I could come over. If only to make sure Christopher doesn’t have to eat cereal again for breakfast,” Buck ribbed him, which got them both to laugh, and Eddie sipped his coffee.

It was a win-win. Chris got to see Buck, Buck got to see Chris, and Eddie got both his boys under one roof. If that also meant that both of them might take a nap during the movie Christopher would inevitably ask to watch, then that was no one’s business. Buck always slept between with them near and Eddie would shamelessly take advantage of that.

“What do you know about drag?” Eddie blurted out, not sure where he wanted the question to go, and judging from the perplexed expression on Buck’s face, he didn’t either.

“Uh, not a ton,” Buck said. “I mean, I met a few people here and there that did it, but I don’t really know a lot. Why?”

“Chimney’s patient was a drag performer. Guess they did all their shows at the nightclub.”

“That sucks. Maybe they’ll still be able to work there after it’s fixed?” Eddie wasn’t sure; he was more concerned with Martin’s other words that were suddenly bouncing around in his head. The alarm sounded again and Eddie shoved them down in favor of following Buck back down to the truck.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's ramp things up a bit...

“Can we call Buck?” Christopher asked from the backseat. Eddie looked at his son from the rearview mirror as he waited for traffic to move. Just a few more feet and he’d be able to turn onto the exit he needed, leaving only a five-minute drive to the house.

“Sure,” Eddie said. It wasn’t uncommon for Christopher to want to talk to Buck, either through call or text, and Christopher held out his hand. Eddie cocked an eyebrow. “Why the sudden need to talk to Buck, Chris?”

“I wanna tell him to come over. I got a new math packet and I want him to help.” Eddie chuckled.

“I think you mean that you want him to come over and do half the problems. I’m sure he’ll look it over when he comes over next,” Eddie turned the blinker on and took the exit. He was more than ready to go home, enjoy some time off, until it was time to go back to the station. The calls had been getting more and more demanding in recent weeks.

“But he’s good at it,” Christopher whined.

“You can’t expect Buck to do your homework for you,” Eddie scolded lightly.

“Can I still call him?”

“Why don’t we call him after dinner. I’m sure Buck wants to relax a little after work, too.” As tired as Eddie felt, he was sure that Buck was feeling the same; Buck had been half-asleep in the truck after their last call, he and Hen leaning into one another as the truck rolled along.

“He can relax with us.”

“Mijo, Buck doesn’t have to spend all his time with us. He’s an adult and has things he needs to do, too,” Eddie wasn’t sure what those things were, admittedly. Buck was getting better at branching out, finding activities or friends outside of work, but it was hard to commit to a lot of events or get togethers because of their work schedule.

“Buck likes spending time with us,” Christopher wheeled, one last attempt to sway his dad to his side.

“Christopher, I know Buck does, but he doesn’t need to spend all his time with us. I wouldn’t expect him to and neither should you,” Eddie didn’t like being the bad guy with Chris, but when you were the only parent, the line between good and bad parent was tricky. Christopher sulked, sinking back into the booster seat, and Eddie refocused on the road. By the time they pulled into the driveway, Christopher wasn’t pouting as much, but he did try to use the puppy dog eyes.

“Please?” Christopher tried as Eddie helped him down from the seat.

“Eat all your vegetables and then you got yourself a deal,” Eddie gave in. In the long run, it would be better to, as Christopher had reached the stage where he could, and would, hold grudges. Christopher grinned and walked into the house. “Get started on that homework!” Eddie called out as he locked up the front door.

Kicking off his shoes, Eddie mustered his way down to the bathroom, eager for a shower. Christopher would be fine by himself for a little bit. Grabbing some fresh clothes, and cranking the water on, Eddie audibly sighed as he got into the shower. The water pressure at the fire house wasn’t the greatest and their shift had been one of those dirty, gritty ones that left all of them feeling grimy and sweaty. Ten minutes later, Eddie was done, throwing on his clean clothes and running a comb through his hair a couple of times. His son was sitting at the kitchen table, feet swinging above the floor, slowly going through his homework.

“Math isn’t very fun,” Christopher moaned. Eddie laughed as he took out the big pot; he couldn’t make the fancy dishes that Bobby or Buck favored, but he could handle a simple box of pasta with a side of microwave veggies.

“I know,” Eddie filled the pot with water. “But, it’s important. We use math all the time at work.”

By the time the pasta was done and strained, vegetables poured into a clean container, Christopher was done with his school work and eager for food. As they ate, Eddie was treated to a run-down of Christopher’s day. It was domestic and homey, a familiar routine, something that Eddie wasn’t sure that he would ever get to have on a constant basis. When the meal was done, Eddie started cleaning the dishes, frowning as the leftover pasta stuck to the pot.

“Buck uses olive oil,” Christopher piped up. “It doesn’t stick if you do that.”

“Well, I’ll use that next time.” Normally, if Buck was with them for dinner, he took over cleanup. Eddie always tried to help, seeing as it was his house and pots, but Buck would shoo him away. In the end, Eddie would lean against the counter and watch him, chatting to pass the time.

“Can we call him now? I ate all my vegetables,” Christopher reminded him of their deal.

“Okay,” Eddie chuckled, wiping his hands off on the towel, and picked up his phone. Unlocking it, he pulled up the contacts, handing off the phone to Christopher’s eager hands. Within seconds, Christopher was pressing the call button. It rang twice before it connected.

“Hey, Eddie,” Buck’s voice came over the line and Eddie could hear the tiredness in his tone.

“Buck! Come over,” Christopher said.

“Hey, superman,” Buck greeted.

“You should come over,” Christopher begged. “We could watch a movie.”

“That sounds like a really fun time, Chris, but I’m going to have to pass tonight.”

“Are you busy?”

“Christopher, don’t be rude,” Eddie reprimanded him.

“It was a really long day at work, Chris. I’m actually just about to go to sleep,” Buck explained. Eddie ruffled Christopher’s hair as his son wilted a bit in his chair.

“We can always see Buck another time,” Eddie reminded him.

“Yeah, bud,” Buck jumped in. “I’m off this weekend, we can figure something out, okay?”

“Okay,” Christopher didn’t look happy, always slightly upset when he couldn’t see Buck, and started to tell him all about his day. Eddie returned to the dishes, keeping an ear out as he finished up, and soon Christopher was winding down. After saying several goodbyes, Christopher returned the phone, going off to his room.

“How sad is he?” Buck asked once he was taken off speaker.

“He’s a little bummed out. It happens, Buck, he’s got to learn that he can’t always get what he wants,” Eddie knew that giving a bit of tough love was difficult as a parent, but he didn’t want Christopher to grow up spoiled.

“I know. I just don’t think I would have been able to drive all the way over there tonight.”

“That tired, huh?”

“If I didn’t know how bad sleeping on my couch was after doing it for weeks, I’d fall asleep there instead of going upstairs to my bed.”

“I’m looking forward to bed, too,” Eddie muttered. “Are you on tomorrow?”

“Yeah, seven o’clock. It’s a sixteen-hour shift,” Buck said. Eddie winced. Buck was used to pulling long shifts, often back to back. It always took Eddie a couple of days to bounce back after getting on that cycle.

“Get some sleep,” Eddie didn’t want to sound like a dad, sometimes the tone slipped out, and Buck chuckled.

“I will, Eds, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Hanging up, Eddie called Christopher over, and the two of them found a movie to watch between it was bedtime. Sure, Eddie’s first pick wouldn’t be a Disney film, and he endured it with a soft smile and Christopher sung along. By the time the movie finished, Eddie was fighting sleep, as was Christopher.

“Let’s go, teeth and pajama’s,” Eddie tapped Christopher’s hip. Christopher, in response, whined before opening his eyes and standing. They brushed their teeth together, departing to get changed, before Eddie returned. “What story tonight?” Eddie hoped it was a short one; lately, Christopher had been picking longer and longer ones. He wasn’t able to do any voices or make one up off the top of his head.

“Can we read another chapter of Happy Potter?” Christopher asked, eyes wide, and Eddie nodded. Internally, he was groaning, settling into bed beside his son. Christopher was nearly asleep when they reached the end of the chapter.

“Goodnight, Chris,” Eddie kissed his forehead and turned the light off. “Love you.”

“Love you, too, Dad,” Christopher yawned as he snuggled deeper into the blankets. Eddie went around, turning off the lights and double checking the locks, before going off to his own bedroom. He laid out his work clothes for tomorrow, plugged his phone in to charge, and set his alarms. The moment he hit the mattress Eddie was out cold.

_Hands, resting on his hips, pulling him closer. The faint smell of mint, before it was gone, lips and teeth clashing as there was a battle for dominance. Eddie moaned, hands leaving his position between their bodies, going to tug on thick locks of gold hair._

_“Come on,” Eddie gasped as another nibble against his neck occurred, making him shiver. “Give me more.”_

_“Hmm, maybe I’ll keep you just like this.” Eddie shook his head, body thrumming with energy. If he was left like this, he’d burst. Eddie ground his hips down, grinning at the sharp inhale it caused, and the grip on his hips tightened._

_“Please,” Eddie trailed his fingers down from handfuls of hair to rest against those rock-hard abs. “You promised me a good time.”_

_“And you’ll get it,” The kiss against his shoulder soon turned into a hickey, teeth lightly scrapping the skin, before pulling away. “When you’re ready to get it.” Eddie surged forward, hands going back to tug at those curls again, and the blue eyes looked electric._

_“I’m ready,” Eddie huffed as hands resettled him on the bed. “Come, on, Evan.”_

_“Think you can handle it?” Eddie nodded, moaning as he rolled his hips, gaining just a bit more friction. “I can’t hear you, Eddie.”_

_“Give it to me,” Eddie panted, body and nerves feeling like they were a live wire, and Buck grinned._

_“Thought so,” Buck said and pressed their mouths together. Eddie was shaking as they rolled, Eddie feeling equal parts boxed in and safe, hands moving to touch each inch of exposed skin. Considering that they both naked, there was a lot to see. While Eddie did that, Buck was mapping out his body, lips going first and fingers following._

_“Please, please,” Eddie couldn’t move his hips the way he did before._

_“You gotta tell me what you want,” Buck cooed into his ear._

_“I want you,” Eddie sobbed, feeling too much and not enough._

_“Okay,” Buck answered, surging forward, and Eddie moaned louder as they both started to move. It was intoxicating, having the two of them tangling around each other, every thrust hitting a new part of him that Eddie didn’t know existed._

_“So good, Eds,” Buck chanted as Eddie braced his hands behind Buck’s back. “God, you’re perfect.”_

_“More,” Eddie cried, planting his feet to get more leverage. “I’ll give you more.” And everything exploded._

Eddie woke up, disorientated, before he stilled. There was an uncomfortable feeling of dampness between his legs and around his sheets. Having been here before, Eddie groaned, before pausing. Blue eyes, blond hair, saying Buck’s name…

“Oh, shit,” Eddie pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes. “Oh, fuck me.”

This was not happening. He didn’t not just have a sex dream, one of the most intense ones he’d ever had, about his best friend. His totally straight best friend. Eddie was so screwed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope everyone is staying cool and healthy today :) Leave a comment or kudos if you wish!


	3. Chapter 3

Eddie looked at the clock again.

He had been sitting in his car for the past fifteen minutes, trying to work up the nerve to walk inside. The rest of the team was already there; Buck had pulled in roughly five minutes ago. The problem was that his best friend had yet to exit his car, which left Eddie hiding away in his, so here they were. Tapping the steering wheel, Eddie sighed again, and willed his face to stay neutral as he shut off his car. He had just locked up his truck when Buck came up to his side.

“Hey,” Buck greeted. “Any reason why you were hiding away?”

“I didn’t sleep well,” Eddie evaded. Of course he didn’t sleep well; once he had woken up, it was impossible to go back to sleep. Those imaginary touches and feelings had been consuming and Eddie’s mind had been running rampant.

“Nightmares? You could have called,” Buck’s face pinched in concern.

“Not exactly,” Eddie opened the side door, letting Buck step through first, and then followed behind. Which was stupid, because his eyes looked down, and then his face was blushing. Now, all he could think about was how his mind had pictured his hands on Buck’s skin.

“Eddie, you sure you’re feeling okay? Your face is all red.”

“Just need some coffee,” Eddie muttered and high tailed it to the locker room.

Buck must have sensed that he needed space and let him go. As he changed clothes, he spaced out, and then jumped when a hand rapped against his locker. Chimney was leaning against the neighboring locker, eyebrow raised, and Eddie huffed.

“Can I help you?”

“I called your name twice,” Chimney said, unbothered by Eddie’s tone. “Also, since when do you and Buck get changed separately? Usually you two are joined at the hip.”

“We can have separate lives, Chim, it is possible.”

The problem was that Eddie didn’t want that. He loved it when Buck came over, whether it was to waste a few hours on the couch, or to go on an adventure with Christopher. His best friend was awesome and Eddie cherished the time they got to spend together. He didn’t want to risk jeopardizing their friendship.

“Oo-kay,” Chimney backed off. “I don’t know who peed in your cheerios, but I am not the enemy here.”

“It’s not you, I just didn’t sleep well.”

“Wanna talk about it?” Eddie glanced over to the door; Buck didn’t appear to be anywhere he could see. “Buck’s helping Bobby,” Chimney piped up. Eddie sighed, leaned forward to rest his forehead on the door, and closed his eyes.

“I had a dream last night.”

“A bad dream?”

“No,” Eddie swallowed as hazy images came to mind. “It was a good dream. A really, really good dream.”

“And this good dream is making you act all grumpy?” Chimney asked.

“It’s because of who was in it,” Eddie was taking a chance here. Chimney was his confident, would never expose what he said to anyone, but he was also close with Buck. And Maddie. “I’m guessing that this other person is someone we know?”

Eddie nodded.

“And I’m guessing you see this person a lot?”

“Yep.”

“Well,” Chimney nodded as he took it in. “That is a conundrum.”

“It felt real,” Eddie kept his voice low. “I wanted it to be real.”

Eddie often wondered if the feelings he had towards Buck, pushed down as deep as they were, weren’t as one sided as he thought. There were times when Buck would give him a look, touch him and linger just long enough for it to be considered something else, do things for Eddie and Christopher that made Eddie’s heart do all sorts of weird palpations. But, as much as he wanted it to be real, he knew that it wasn’t going to happen any time soon.

Buck wasn’t planning on dating anyone right now, let alone another man, as evident from his continued refusals to let either Hen or Maddie set him up. Buck was happy, was finally back in a good spot, and Eddie didn’t want to be the person who ruined it. Because, if he did admit his feelings, and Buck didn’t return them, it would be over. The lawsuit era was awful; this would be a hundred times worse for a variety of other reasons. The station would be different.

Eddie loved his job, was good at it, but it wasn’t the same as how Buck looked at it. Buck, who lived and breathed this job, and having the balance disturbed at the 118 might send him spiraling again.

Then, there was Christopher to think about.

His son, who was so much stronger than Eddie, didn’t deserve the fallout. He had already lost Shannon; to lose Buck would be heartbreaking.

“Remember what I said yesterday?” Chimney waited until Eddie was looking at him. “Buck cares about you. Whatever this is, it’s been going on longer than either of you are willing to admit. I think you’ll surprise yourself.” The way Chimney talked sounded like he knew more than he was letting on.

“Did Buck say something to you?” Chimney smiled, almost a cross between sadness and happiness, and shrugged.

“We talk about stuff.”

Eddie knew that getting Buck to talk, really talk, was a science. Eddie repressed stuff and Buck deflected. Getting either of them to actually talk about what was going on, it was a big deal, and to know that Buck had potentially done so with Chimney had his stomach in knots. What had they discussed? Him? His feelings, if there were any, and how it might apply to Eddie?

“What kind of stuff?”

“Stuff that you can find out if you talk to him,” Chimney was relentless.

“I don’t want to mess this up,” Eddie turned and looked out past the glass; if he squinted, he could make out two heads in the loft.

“Okay,” Chimney started out, biting his lip, before nodding, apparently coming to a decision. “You are not to repeat this. To anyone. Especially Maddie, because she will kill me if she finds out.” Eddie gestured to keep Chimney going when he stopped. “Do I have your word?”

“Yes, you have my word, Chim,” Eddie promised.

“So, you know how Buck and Maddie have those sibling nights together. Well, one night, they got to talking, and Buck was telling Maddie some stuff. Specifically, why he isn’t interested on going back to the dating scene.” Eddie held his breath; Buck hadn’t mentioned anyone lately, not to him or their friends. “Turns out, Buck’s holding a candle for someone. Maddie got him to admit that it was someone we knew.”

“Yeah?” Eddie croaked out.

Buck liked someone. Someone they all knew. That was why Buck hadn’t had any interest in dating, he already liked someone.

“So, I think that your chances are pretty good.”

“I need to think about Christopher,” Eddie said. “Buck loves that kid, Eddie, the two of them are close. Besides, it won’t be like introducing a complete stranger. Buck’s known Christopher for years.” Eddie didn’t bring up the times when other people thought that Chris was their kid. “I’ll think about it,” Eddie would think on it, likely for the rest of the day, which would make this shift interesting.

Buck knew something was up; getting him to let it go long enough for Eddie to come to a decision would be hard.

“Honestly think about it. You deserve to be happy, Eddie, that’s all any of us want.” Chimney patted his shoulder and left the room. Eddie delayed a few minutes more before going up to the loft.

“Coffee is there for you,” Buck gestured to the mug on the counter when he approached. Eddie took a sip, enjoying the flavor. “Enough cream in there for you?”

“It’s perfect,” Eddie replied. Buck beamed and returned to his conversation with Bobby.

Breakfast was calm, no alarms to interrupt the meal, and soon everyone was off doing their own thing. Eddie and Buck ended up down by the trucks, doing some busy work as the shift dragged by. As they worked, Buck was talking about something, and Eddie tried to follow along as best he could. It wasn’t difficult; with how often Buck went off on a tangent, Eddie was well versed with them, and he provided the appropriate sounds or comments when needed. He had been staring at a spot on the truck for several minutes when Buck poked his face.

“Everything alright in there?” Buck questioned. Eddie shook his head.

“Yeah, yeah,” Eddie scrubbed the spot, frowning when it didn’t go away, and then tossed the rag into the bucket. “Just having an off day.” Sure, an off day where Eddie was actively not trying to blurt out that he might potentially want to date his best friend. Or that he had a wet dream of him last night.

“Seems like more than an off day to me,” Buck crouched down to finish off the rims. Eddie kept his eyes trained to anything that was around him to avoid looking at Buck’s rear.

“I had a weird dream,” Eddie gave in. He could give some vague details. Enough to get it out and not enough to make Buck think that he was involved.

“Go on,” Buck urged, moving to sit on the floor now, legs stretched out in front of him. Eddie took a spot on the lip of the cab, feet dangling an inch off the ground.

“It was a good dream.”

“That’s good,” Buck affirmed.

“It, um, actually was a pretty good one. Like, really, really good.” Eddie was hoping that Buck got what he was implying. That he wouldn’t have to come out and say it was a sex dream.

“And this amazing dream is what’s been throwing you off all morning?”

“It was a, you know, good dream,” Eddie put special emphasis on the good part. It took a moment for Buck to get it and when he did, his face split into a wide grin before he cackled.

“Oh, so you had a wet dream.”

“Shh,” Eddie hissed, looking around, even knowing that there wasn’t anyone nearby.

“What? Everyone gets them, Eddie.”

“Yeah, when you’re a teenager,” Eddie hadn’t felt that embarrassed in a long time. He even resulted to sneaking around his own apartment to throw his sheets in the washing machine. Christopher wouldn’t think anything of it, but Eddie would know.

“Still, it can happen at any time.”

“Does it happen to you?” Buck shrugged.

“Sure, like I said, it isn’t that big of a deal.”

“What are yours about?” Eddie wondered, for a brief moment, if Buck had dreams about him.

“Lots of things,” Buck answered. It was a bland answer, given how open Buck was about sex, and Eddie knew he’d have to open up a bit more.

“Anyone you know? Mine was about…someone,” Eddie finished lamely. Buck grinned.

“Yes,” Buck tilted his head. “Does this someone have another other features?”

“They’re responsible for messing up my favorite set of sheets.”

Buck laughed again, the kind that made his eyes crinkle at the side, and all Eddie wanted was to come out and tell him. That Eddie had had feelings for a long time. Even though he wasn’t ready to fully admit them, they were there, and Buck deserved to know. But just as Eddie was about to continue, to say that he had dreamt about Buck, the alarm went off. Within seconds, they had switched into work mode, and Eddie had to set aside his longing for the time being.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a comment or kudos if you wish :)


	4. Chapter 4

“You seem tense today, Eddie,” Frank pointed out.

Frank’s office was comfortable, all nice couches, big open windows that let in the light, and a dozen assorted plants in various types of vases. Was it a requirement that all therapists have plants in their offices?

“It’s been a long week,” Eddie tried not to fidget as he sat.

Frank didn’t comment on it, use to Eddie’s non-verbal actions, and his body language was now more of a “I’m trying to find the right words to use” rather than “Get me the fuck out of here.”

“I had a weird dream. Actually, I’ve had several and each time it happens I can’t get it out of my head,” Eddie blurted out. Frank took it all in stride.

“Was this dream one that we’ve discussed before? Or a new variation of your previous ones?”

Eddie had had dreams that focused on his time at war, of all the close calls in his line of work, of his loved ones encountering harm and Eddie not being able to help them.

“Uh, it was a new one,” Eddie swallowed and tried to push away the bundle of nerves in his stomach.

“You can talk about anything with me, Eddie. This time is for you and whatever thoughts you’ve been having.”

It had been a long road to get to this point. Therapy had been rough at the start of last year; each session either left him feeling like a pot about to burst or numb with whatever revelations they had reached.

“I had a sex dream and I think that I might not be the person I’ve been acting as anymore.”

“A sex dream,” Frank nodded. “Does this have you thinking that you have feelings for someone?”

“I think they’ve always been there. Maybe just acting as something else,” Eddie said.

Had his feelings for Buck been platonic at all? In the beginning of their friendship, sure, but not after everything that they had been through. Not after everything that Buck had done for him, for Christopher, time and time again expecting nothing.

“Do these feelings frighten you?”

“No,” Eddie frowned. “They feel…good. It feels right.”

“So, this re-occurring dream has sexual undertones and the feelings that you’ve acknowledge don’t scare you,” Frank summarized. “You mentioned that you might not be the same person because of this, why do you think that?”

“I’m straight, as far as anyone knows. My friends, my family, my son, they think that I’ve always like women.”

“Do you identify as a straight person?”

“Yes? No? I mean,” Eddie huffed. “I haven’t felt like this with anyone else before. Just…him.”

Buck was different, special, that was it.

“This other person,” Frank shifted on his chair to cross his leg over his knee. “Do you think that they could potentially have the same feelings you do? Towards a man?”

“Yeah,” Eddie looked away. “I never thought about it, honestly, I just didn’t think I would ever want to be that other person, you know?”

Buck’s past relationships were a split between interesting and a land mine. Eddie knew that he had dated men before, just not to what extent and how many.

“Perhaps you should spend some time thinking about how you discovering this aspect to your sexuality is impacting your relationship with this other person,” Frank suggested. Eddie frowned. “Eddie, you mentioned to me that prior to this you had identified as straight. Recognizing that you might have interest towards someone of the same gender, when you haven’t before, can be a huge change.”

Do I tell him?”

That was the crux of it. Sure, Frank wouldn’t mention it, and Chimney knew about his feelings. Buck didn’t, not yet, and Eddie wasn’t sure when he would. If he would. It wasn’t that Eddie was positive that this sort of admission would send Buck running away, he was far too invested in their lives for that, but it was still a fear. Should Eddie admit it, and Buck decided that it wasn’t reciprocated, it could end a lot of things. Their friendship, first off, and change the facet of their partnership at the station, the bond they had formed with Christopher. It was a huge risk.

“Are you at that stage would you feel comfortable telling him? This is a lot of new information to come to terms with,” Frank posed the question with no air of judgement.

“He’s told me a lot of stuff before. Personal stuff, things that he hasn’t told anyone else,” Eddie closed his eyes. “He’s…honest with me. It feels like I’m lying to him if I keep this from him.”

“Sharing the intimate parts of yourself with someone else can be scary. The important thing is to do it when you are ready, not spurred by fear.”

The problem was that Eddie had the luxury to find a situation where fear wasn’t the main factor. Buck hadn’t, in the majority of the heart to hearts they’d had over the years, each conversation stemming from some sort of anxiety or long held guilt.

“He talked about his parents with me,” Eddie wasn’t sure why that was the first memory that popped up. “He never mentioned them to anyone before.”

“How did that make you feel, having that trust?” “

Amazing,” Eddie answered without hesitation.

Parental figures were a delicate topic for all of them. Some were more comfortable talking about it while most avoided it until it became impossible to ignore. Buck was firmly in the latter category, keeping his life before coming to LA unknown to his family and friends. Most of what they knew was because Maddie had told Chimney, and Chimney told the rest of them.

“We have some similar problems with our parents,” Eddie mumbled.

Eddie’s could be overbearing and seemed to be of the mindset that nothing he did was right or enough for Christopher. Buck’s tended not to care about what their son had accomplished, only focusing on any shortcomings, real or imaginary. The trust that Buck had given him, opening up about the two individuals that were as rare a unicorn to the rest of their family, was huge.

“Have you talked about your parents a lot?”

“No,” Eddie frowned. “Only a handful of times. We both yell about our folks.” Yell was a kinder word; the swearing and mixed finger gestures were a better representation of what they did when talking about parental figures.

“Do you want to tell me more about your parents?” Eddie quickly shook his head. Frank, ever the patient man, simply smiled and looked back down to his notepad. “That’s fine. Let’s circle back to you expressing that keeping this feeling from your friend. You said it feels like lying when he’s shared so much with you.”

“I want to talk about it, at some point. He has to have picked up on it,” Eddie wondered if Buck knew or was just remaining oblivious for another reason. The team, mainly Chimney, knew about Eddie’s feelings.

“Do you think that he might be respecting your privacy?” At Eddie’s confused expression, Frank elaborated. “Your friend might be aware of your feelings and is giving you the space and time to come to terms with them. Have you considered that option?” Eddie sat with that for a moment. Buck could be aware of his feelings.

How long was another question; when did Eddie start having romantic feelings for his best friend, exactly?

“Why didn’t he say anything then?” Eddie asked aloud.

“Perhaps he feels similar to you right now, Eddie,” Frank offered. “You’ve expressed feelings of fear and uncertainty. It is possible that he is experiencing the same emotions.”

If that was the case, then Eddie was sure that neither of them would come forward first.

**Author's Note:**

> Leave a comment or kudos if you wish :) I love seeing all of your feedback!


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